Stories & Insights on What's Worth Committing To

	It's worth committing to...Relationships, loved ones, children. One's self. The courage to speak the truth. The ideology of mutuality, speaking truth. The creation of a spiritual democracy. Integrity and the use of one's voice. Kindness. Love and her 3 daughters, Independence, Freedom and Joy. One's health.The ability to sit in conversation with those we differ from, without reacting in violence.

	We sometimes have difficulty committing to self, althought it's necessary to helping others. Some of us tend to dismiss recognition or congratulations, finding it hard to receive praise. We need to balance time for self with time for relationships. Sometimes we can feel lost or numb, or feel like a mess, raw. Some of us have overlaid a rational orientation over more emotional self, thinking it more valuable. It would be good to be ok with one's own process, even the fear and anxiety that are part of that; but there is a fear of being the different one.

	Integrity has a lot to do with using one's voice, once you've found it. I seek the courage to speak the truth, as some of us did other times, such as the 60's anti-war protests. Many of us value telling the truth, although some people see that as being negative.In some situations, once you've joined or been sought out, your voice is not heard. One has to be an outsider to be heard. It takes courage to speak truth to power, but some of us "blank out" at that moment. It is very painful to watch others losing their voices. We share questions about what compromises are necessary, if any, to belong to a large corporation. It is hurtful to imagine that those in corporations are the "bad guys." Some of us have felt pressure in corporate life to become part of the patriarchy. Some part of us is always changing identities - but we can tend to forget that we put an identity on, and end up believing it is us. And yet is part of us always in integrity?

	It would be worth dying for my children. But now they are grown - what else is worth dying for? There is tension between our work and finding time for relationships. It can be shocking to see how hard it is to find the time for each other, even our spouses. The effects of work were damaging to my marriage; only now, after retirement, am I finding a way back. A group strengthens hope, it can help heal the isolation from working too hard. Working with others who are dedicated and inspired about learning creates energy and motivation in us. The primary issue is not the environment, but the ability to sit and talk with those who disagree with us, without resorting to violence. It seems cerain archetypal voices always show up, whatever the issue. But can learn together if we can stay in conversation. The corporation feels like a tribe; if and when we leave we have to find another tribe to fill that space.

	I think I should help people who are hurting, but what about people who are hurting and don't know it? Sometimes we wonder how it's gotten to where life doesn't work, everyday life. Many have cynicism about a powerful elite; but if we don't show up as citizens in democracy, it's as though the "bastards have already won." But what we envision is a spiritual democracy, which allows for questions around meaning. It's not a political event, or a corporation focused on maximizing profit, or a religious or psychological group - but someplace in between where we can connect and envision. But it is slippery to hold the space to talk, to envision. Each approach to showing up is valid, that is the nature of democracy - some working in Zen Center, some in the Oakland street. The way we conceive of God in this culture as a diffuse entity can make that spirit less accessible. As the Aztecs ask, how did God get out of the pea?

	There is a dilemma around committing to an ideology, despite the personal suffering that has resulted. It seems that doing meaningful work means suffering tremendous insecurity. Yet the Dalai Lama says happiness is purposeful security. We see that we can be seduced by our own values, although those aren't our deepest values. We sometimes we get stuck because we need to see that we can make a difference, but we ask ourselves what can one person do? Or we get stuck in thinking of the powerful elite as "them" - but we can also see ourselves in "them." On some level this type of conversation seems profoundly political, as well as psychological. It is not enough to thinking about healing the "elite", we have to get out with others and be in action. But activism is not enough either. I can be a dissident, take a stand, if I know there is a place to retreat to, a place to yell out my frustrations. We need to learn to sustain energy as activists, to let go of the outcome. We can just be happy to be called to act, without being so attached to some particular impact. Some of us have rejected long family traditions around political life and activism.

	We know we must heal ourselves, that that is a huge contribution. We must show integrity about what we care about. So how do we live, knowing we cannot change instantly? Why is it so difficult to live with integrity around these values? Are we trying to change who we are? Personal change may involve becoming more of who we are, but with a broader sense of possibilities. Sometimes it is hard to be motivated when life is in a "maintaining" mode, so some of us look for more concrete challenges, such as athletic goals, at those times.