 Stories
& Insights |
| Stories
& Insights |
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| How do we sense what is "enough" for us? When have we felt we were "enough" as people? What affects our sense of being enough? In my mind, this affects doing work that we care about because we sometimes get caught up in reacting to crises and emergencies, and postpone doing what really matters. I find this especially true around work deadlines. Also, I think it affects the nature of what we contribute when we do it in a "frenzied" state. | ||||||
| When I was very young,
I had a hard time. My mother died very early, my
father went deaf, and I went blind at 8 years old.
Many people pitied me for my lack of sight, and from
12-24 years old I was in a very depressed state - I even
wanted to commit suicide. But then someone said to
me, Why don't you just accept this? You have a very
bright future. And I was thrilled with that
idea. And I realized, that what I have is more than
enough to live a life. I was able to work for years
in government service. I developed a yoga
practice. Then I asked myself, 'How can I relate
this to the villagers?' What evolved was the HELPO Foundation, where common people share their experiences and spread practices for sustainable community-based development in India. There we are finding the intelligence of the collective, where the women, who are not educated, have time to attend our program while the men are working in the fields. And their learning is spreading rapidly, making a difference. What started as a savings program became a lending program, and later a microcredit program - all started with just $2500 from Ft. Collins. And now, a few years later, their $2500 has earned $1060 profit! The people at Ft. Collins have been so generous - and they say they are just a small church, what could we do if a larger church become involved? When I think about how in India we have problems with lack (while the U.S. has problems with abundance), I remember that yoga teaches that I have the resources in me, I am a great creation. And there are resources all around. One evening I was fortunate to spend time with Jon Schulz, and he spoke with me for 6 hours about what we can do. And I thought, wow.... So sharing our experiences can benefit others, as well as ourselves. I see myself as a learner... no, I AM a learner, and I want to share. It is not the objective of life to earn a livelihood. Who brought oxygen? Who brought water, the sun, the moon? The planet is our home and humans are our family. Political promises around livelihood, food, shelter, employment may seem powerful, but for other creatures, it is already there. We'll find it through social connectedness. It's indvidual and international peace that is missing, not affluence. |
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| How will I know I have enough education to practice what I believe? When will I have enough self-help and therapy to go ahead and live my life? When will I have enough love? And who's standard do I measure enough by? When I reach it, how do I live in tranquility? | ||
| My late husband worked under such pressure and worked such long hours as a geologist for a large corporation, that one day he fell asleep at the wheel, had an accident and became paralyzed. And then he had plenty of time to think about why this happened: the answer he came to was that he was too busy, too absorbed in the external world, and not paying attention. | ||
| My friend, Oscar, has two sweatshirts and two pair of shoes, although he has no judgement for those who have more. He's like an 88-year-old short little elf, working non-stop but always calm. He'd laugh if he thought I were using him as an example; but he says he's happy because he decided to be, despite the tragedies early in his life. And the best part is, Oscar is my father. | ||
| I am a recovering Captain of the World, which can make you a target. Now I'm finding ways to be myself and offers ideas, without getting upset when people don't jump up and want to get started. I want to do the most effective things I can to move us toward sustainable communities. But where do I stop? | ||
| I get turned on by power, spiritual power, CEO's who can influence their world, and activists who have such passion. And, yes, I do like $300 dinners. So how bad does it have to get for me to make individual changes that are necessary for the planet to sustain life? | ||
| Just after I got my degree in social work, I took a job with the child protective custody agency in New York City. My job was to investigate complaints of child abuse and neglect... and in the course of those visits, I saw such scarcity in the families, scarcity of all resources, on every front... and our agency didn't have much to offer, nor did I have the personal experience to offer much. And it struck me then how we undercapitalize the most important institutions, those that serve kids. Now, in my work in negotiating grants to non-profits, I keep asking myself, what is enough? Are we contributing to the undercapitalization by offering just a bit too little? And yet if we give too much, are we creating dependency? Are we supporting an organization that has other community support? I'm now seeking the courage to make our grants enough, not too much, just right. But how? | ||
| When my creativity
flows, each idea leads to two more, and those lead to
four more, and so on. Sometimes those ideas are so
fascinating, I'm afraid to explore them, and sometimes I
get so excited by possibilities that I don't take enough
care of the business at hand. So there's a constant dance
between being open to new ideas and saying no to them. Writing forces me to deal with my limitations. To bring forth the work that calls me, I have to accept the fact that there's a natural gap between what's in my heart and what comes out in the world. The only way I can bridge that gap is by entering it consciously and facing hard (often contradictory) personal issues. Sometimes, I'm forced by deadlines to turn in my work while it's still raw and incomplete. This means I have to accept the fact that though it's not the best I could do at any time and under any circumstances, it's the best I can do right now. Sometimes whatever's incomplete in the work will stir new questions or ideas that I'll follow for months or even years. Often, a piece I felt was not quite right will touch someone more deeply than work that meets higher standards. It's as if I leave room in my still-raw writing for the reader's own thoughts to come alive. |
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| When I get creative, it's like I keep opening windows on my desktop. And with all those windows and applications open, the computer runs, but it's sluggish, as if it's clogged. | ||
| When I ask myself what I really want, then I can give the busywork a light touch, and somehow, it telescopes down to the time available. | ||
| I want to express my vision of the potential I feel inside, on the outside. But I'm so critical I can never give or do enough, and then I get overwhelmed and retreat - and feel like I'm not expressing that potential. | ||
| I have to be careful
not to take on clients with fascinating projects who want
too much for too little and in too little time. When I
don't value myself enough, I don't have the nerve or
presence of mind to say, "No, I don't sell my
services so cheaply"; or "If you want this
quality of work from me, these are the people and support
I need." Instead, I get hooked into thinking if I
were any good, I could find a way to give the clients
what they want. But no matter how much extra I put into
the project, it always fails, for it's based on
unrealistic expectations. The client I initially liked
turns into the Client from Hell. Every day there's a new
crisis which makes it more impossible to do a good job in
the time provided. Rather than appreciate my extra
efforts on the project, Client from Hell wants me to be a
scapegoat for her or his problems. Years ago I saw a sign in a printshop that said, "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." I'm learning that if I can't confidently say "no" to any potential client who wants something special from me, then that's the wrong client for me. |
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| It feels like enough when I can focus on the immediate needs in front of me - like food, shelter, and clothing when you're camping and it's 26 degrees out. And there's the full moon over the Grand Canyon, crisp and clear in the black sky, and it absorbs you. | ||
| Coming in to work late that day, I felt ok because I was on top of my work and I was pretty sure that I had done enough in terms of others' perceptions,too. And then, when I looked around, I realized that everyone there was experiencing 'enough' - that because of the holidays, we were each working the hours that felt right, and only half the people were there. | ||
| It's possible to do a full day's work or a full day's life, but not both. | ||
| I've always felt that somehow there'd be enough money. But now we've bought a new car and I'm starting to worry about whether we'll have enough to continue to pay for it. | ||
| I was immersed in one of Susan Boulet's paintings when I saw she was standing right next to me. So I talked with her about the details in the work, and realized that she really enjoyed people making discoveries in her paintings. It didn't matter that I never could afford to buy one. | ||
| When we did have a peaceful and harmonious holiday, I found I wasn't grateful after all. I wanted the fight. I find myself addicted the emotional rollercoaster, needing to feel some opposition. | ||
| My family always said suffering makes you stronger, so when I struggle with my job, I ask myself have I given enough, communicated enough? Now I think I've really hit a limit... something in me says just can't do this any longer. |
| If I had been able to contact the Inner Divine, I would have left my job 22 years earlier - unlike my father who stayed at Chevron through thick and thin. | ||
| I wish for the voice of the good parent who says, do this much, and not more. |
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