Stories & Insights
  Add Your Own Story
 
Gifts
November, 2000
Image courtesy of Mark Wagner, HeartsandBones.com
  If we have to get over what "They" think, in order to give our gifts, what do we know about those gifts? What gifts have we been given from others?  
 
 
  I got furiously angry the other day because someone at work asked another person about a situation I had already told them about - and then contradicted my plan around handling the paperwork. Did they ask the other because he was a man and I'm a woman? I got so very angry, lost it. A friend said, this job is killing you, killing that positive person who sees what others are capable of. But when I feel responsible for a high standard, but powerless over our capacity to delivery, I get worn down and insecure. I feel so lost.  
     
  I see how I inherited gifts from my grandfather, who was so vibrant... and prickly. He used to yell out, "Just call me lucky!"  
     
  I feel blessed to know my Grandmother, seeing her live her values. But now I see how she has such trouble receiving gifts, she seems so angry to have to recieve.  
     
  The gift I desire is the full range of feeling in my body, like sadness. I mean not holding it off, and not attaching to it, lingering with it, but letting it come in, then letting it go.  
     
  I have a hard time hearing compliments, like when my mother sounds so "gushy" when she speaks. But now I'm beginning to see what she means when she says I have the gift of putting others at ease.  
     
  I don't feel that what I give is a gift, it's just who I am. And I worry that others will think, "who does she think she is?" when I'm proud of what I give.  
     
  People told me that during my accident it was a gift to see my sense of humor. And I learned so much about receiving - the generosity was incredible. People came to spend time during the day, sent e-mails, sent flowers. I was overwhelmed by it, and I fear I cannot give that in return...  
     
  I'm learning about gifts to myself, like taking time at a spa in Sonoma as I go through the transition from school into my career. Is that decadence? Or something I could accept as a gift from others but have trouble giving to myself?  
     
  I feel I have the gift of listening deeply, and helping others to learn. And that came from the gifts I received, like having my father spend time with me, helping me learn.  
     
  © 2002 Bridge Interactive, Inc. - All rights reserved.  

Top of Page